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Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Sigh

Once upon a time there was an American girl who dreamed of living halfway around the world. Little did she know the challenges that would come her way, such as getting her college scholarship yanked indefinitely (thanks to the poor economy) and being unable to play her sport. This girl also found herself wishing that life played out more like an novel, but alas, it was not to be. Real life never worked out the way it did in the books. The girl found this very sad and considered never reading the Katie Weldon series by Robin Jones Gunn again, because it made her wish for Africa, college graduation, and fictional Eli way too hard.

Sigh.

So a wrench kind of got thrown into my immediate plans. God's got everything under control, but some days (like today) it's hard to be at the place I'm in right now.

As lame and off-topic as this sounds, I am sort of wishing that my Africa-bound man, my prayer Warrior, my way-more-than-a-crush-this-must-be-a-God-Thing-guy, was already here. I must really be having a bad day if I'm craving a guy... haha.

Sigh.

I've gotta go to work. I can't dredge up any more enthusiasm for this post. I'm too...downhearted. Lord, be my refuge and strength. I'm sorry for my poor attitude. Give my Your eyes to see what's really going on here!

Wednesday, 03 June 2009

Currently
NCIS Naval Criminal Investigative Service - The Complete First Season
By Mark Harmon
see related
New Layout...

Whaddoya all think of this? It really caught my eye when I was looking for a new theme. I like it. I like it a lot.

Tuesday, 02 June 2009

By Thou My Vision

Last night I attended my church's monthly prayer meeting--it was fabulous. God is taking our church in some really awesome directions and we have to zero in on Him in order to keep up with His plans. :) We sang this song last night and it really impacted me. I never really knew it was an Irish hymn, written back in the 8th century. Suddenly I could imagine an old, Irish monastery built of stone, with Celtic crosses and candle-lit corridors. I heard the hymn being sung there, and I felt such a connection between Christians 1200 years ago and Christians today. Our goal has not changed. Our passion has not changed. Our calling has not changed.

We are called to make Him our Vision.
Our best Thought.
Our Wisdom.
Our Word.
Our battle-Shield.
Our Sword.
Our Dignity, Delight, Shelter, Tower, Power.
Our Inheritance, High King of Heaven, and Treasure.
Our Vision.

That is what we do.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Monday, 04 May 2009

Currently
Hearts of Fire: Eight Women in the Underground Church and Their Stories of Costly Faith
By The Voice of the Martyrs
see related
Shock and Awe

It's been a while since I've been on here, but rest assured, things are happening. I have a couple things to share. First, the entry that I read from "My Utmost for His Highest" (Oswald Chambers) this morning before church. It's a little long but very good.

THE PASSION OF PATIENCE

"Though it tarry, wait for it."
Habakkuk 2:3

Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea of an
immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God
is the source of patience, because it imparts a moral inspiration.
Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but
because be had a vision of God. He "endured, as seeing Him Who is
invisible." A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or
to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself. You always
know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes
with it; things come with largeness and tonic to the life because
everything is energized by God. If God gives you a time spiritually,
as He gave His Son actually, of temptation in the wilderness, with no
word from Himself at all, endure, and the power to endure is there
because you see God.

"Though it tarry, wait for it." The proof that we have the vision is
that we are reaching out for more than we have grasped. It is a bad
thing to be satisfied spiritually. "What shall I render unto the
Lord?" said the Psalmist. "I will take the cup of salvation." We are
apt to look for satisfaction in ourselves - "Now I have got the
thing; now I am entirely sanctified; now I can endure." Instantly we
are on the road to ruin. Our reach must exceed our grasp. "Not as
though I had already attained, either were already perfect." If we
have only what we have experienced, we have nothing; if we have the
inspiration of the vision of God, we have more than we can
experience. Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually.

Isn't that powerful? I was so encouraged in my faith, to continue being patient and embracing the vision that God has given me for North Africa and the amazing people who live there. Not everything has to be instant. Not everything has to happen now. Nor does everything have to be one big emotional experience with God. We learn the most when we're in the desert of desire, not when we're quenching our thirst at the oasis (though, of course, the oasis is vital to our very life).

The second amazing thing that I want to share is just...mind blowing to me. Today I received a beautiful and very sweet note from a close friend of mine (I won't disclose who it is because I don't think she would want it publicized). Within the note was a check made out to me, designated for my missions fund. I can't even explain what I felt when I saw it (obviously I was initially shocked). It was more important to me than just the monetary value, though that is of considerable value too. It was...it was proof that somebody believes in me, and the vision that God has placed in my heart. It is tangible and real and shocking. All I could do was stare at it and wish I could cry I was so happy. :) Thank you my friend--you know who you are--for that gift. I can't even express in words how much it means to me. *hug*

Be strong and courageous!!
Em

Also cross posted on my Missions Blog

Monday, 06 April 2009

Currently
Sovay
By Celia Rees
see related
Wondering...

How do you know when God is leading you to do something?

As I've recently contemplated the remainder of this year, I find that I'm constantly fighting worry and panic. I'm called to do so many things, to go so many places...but all that costs so much money. I'm a poor college student. Money doesn't grow on trees for me. And so as I think about all the things I want to do (Nicaragua, Urbana, Missions school, etc), I start to question: what is from God and what is just me? I mean, sure, I want to get trained, I want to be prepared to go on to the missions field--but how many of those opportunities were brought to my attention by GOD vs. how many were sought out by ME?

That's not to say that I believe I sought out any of these opportunities. Nicaragua is already set in stone and I'm so excited to see what will happen this July. But that just...happened. I didn't really seek that out. I know God was leading me to do that. Urbana was brought to my attention by a good friend of mine, and I really latched on to it. But we're talking about a $600-700 trip here! That's a lot of money! And Missions school, which will be starting up at the beginning of 2010, is a 6-month training that is going to be hosted at my church (like, how convenient does it get, right?). That, too, just randomly appeared as an option. And that, too, will be about $500.

They're all great options. I want to do them all. But how can I commit money that I don't have to opportunities that I'm not 100% sure God is telling me to take?

I know about the stories where God tells missionaries to pack up and leave for another country when they have but $50 in their pocket. Then, by a miracle, God sends them just enough money to get where they need to go--just enough to keep them going until the next test. I believe my God is big enough to do that, but I do not pretend to think that He will send me money in the 11th hour to send me on a trip He does not condone. What if He doesn't want me to go to Urbana? Will he provide the money for me to go, then? I think, probably not. (Though I will not pass judgment on God or His methods for helping His people. He can definitely do things that don't seem "logical," and I would not be surprised at all if He did.)

So right now I'm seeking God, trying to figure out what HE wants. I don't want to do something He doesn't want me to do. But I need some direction! I need Him to tell me "Go" or "Stay." I need Him to guide me, even just a little.

I hope and pray that I can start seeing with His eyes clearer, hearing with His ears sooner. I think that's the answer to all my questions, and yet it's painfully difficult to get to that place.

Waiting on Him...
Emily

Also cross-posted on my Missions Blog, African Firebrand.